5150

Evan Almighty is not so good, maybe I am just not in the mood.
I want my boyfriend here.

Polaris.

I hate having nothing to do. I am just rubbish at it. Other people seem to be able to find ways to procrastinate and kill time but I just don’t seem to know how to do that. In order to kill time today I went swimming, came back, walked back up to uni, came back, walked into Beeston, came back, walked up to uni again, came back. I am still bored! Although I do have Evan Almighty to watch in a little bit which should be good.
Handed in my final piece of coursework today and yesterday paid off my library fine. All I have left to do is hand in two library books but I shall ask Helen to do that tomorrow when she goes up because I think she wants to use them.
Dan sent me some pictures of the flat. To be honest I am a little apprehensive, the bathroom looks a bit of a dive. But then again we have no money so I guess we just have to try and make the best of a bad situation. If I am there with him then I am sure I won’t mind anyway. When we have our stuff in and have decorated I may warm to it. We are not going to be there forever, if I have my way then we will be out in a year.

Tomorrow is hair cut day, I am rather looking forward to it though I currently feel like I have a fat face. This isn’t good.

The Polygraph Cheaters.

I have a rash on my hands because I am stressed. I am stressed because I know  that this will be read. I am stressed because I hand in my dissertation tomorrow. I am stressed because I know that no matter how hard I worked on it it will still not be as good as I wanted. I am stressed because I have no job. I am stressed because no one in the house has a job. I am stressed because if I have no job I will be getting no money and will not be able to pay my half of the rent. I am stressed because I miss my parents. I am stressed because I want my friends here and not there. I am stressed because I worry about you on your own. I am stressed that I am not a good girlfriend. I am stressed because I can’t actually say all this. I am stressed because I am not good enough. I am stressed because my room is a mess. I am stressed because I do not know how to get my things from Beeston to Shifnal. I am stressed because I don’t have my passport. I am stressed because I am always tired. I am stressed because I know the calorie content of everything I ever eat. I am stressed because I am actually quite ridiculous. I am stressed because I am trying to please everybody. I am stressed because I have no transport. I am stressed because teachers can spell and I can’t. I am stressed because I’ll be the only one not in Nottingham. I am stressed that he will find someone better. I am stressed that nothing turns out how I hoped. I am stressed that I have nothing to say. I am stressed that I am really quite hideous. I am stressed that I don’t know what to cook. I am stressed that I will look ridiculous. I am stressed that I can be replaced. I am stressed because my problems are insignificant.

I may delete my blog.

Handy With The Tongue Sword.

Today my mother came and visited me to give me my dissertation, it was nice. Went and had lunch in Red Hot which was yummy and tried to find a birthday present for Ronny but that came to a complete fail, he never actually states what he wants and is the most difficult person to shop for. Janey is getting him some new glasses for his birthday, thank goodness for that. He has had the current pair for at least 15 years now. Also went searching for a dress to send over to Katie, found a nice strapless one in H&M with blue and green butterflies on, it was really pretty. But didn’t have it in her size so Janey is going to try get it in Brum for her instead.
My dissertation is all bound with a plastic covering, it looks so shiney and proffesional, I want to go outside and show it to people as they walk past, but I don’t really think that would be the appropriate course of action. I shall just have to admore it privately until I hand it in tomorrow.
Another fun filled library day tomorrow, gonna aim to be in there for half nine till about half four so I can go get some shopping as I currently don’t have much in to eat aside from apples and pistachio nuts (oh and a block of cheese that I have been nibbling chunks from)

I feel very home sick today. I think it was probably from seeing my Mom. I am not homesick for Stourbridge in particular, just familiar faces. Or any faces really. Since I got back here Sunday I have so far spent every evening doing nothing in my room as everyone else is working on their dissertation but mine is done. I can’t do essay work in the evening because I get too tired. I want someone here to talk to.

Sound of Sulfur.

I spent a good 6 hours working in the library today (I was there fore 7 but spent half an hour talking and another half an hour doing things such as running to get disgusting hot beverages from the vending machine that actually tasted like bubble bath) working on my Darwinism essay. Managed to get through two books, one was particularly long and got 16 sides of notes written out. I am actually quite enjoying working on it now, before the weekend I was feeling quite worried as it seemed so difficult but the more I read the more I understand which makes a change.
Reading it has certainly got me thinking about a few things. My essay is based largely on sexual selection, why we pick the partners we do, what makes someone more attractive over another person based on our evolution and origins. I think I agree with a  lot of the things I am reading. I have read that ancestral women chose a man who would provide well for her and their offspring in order to increase the chance of her genes being passed on. A man in return would chose a woman who would remain faithful to him again so that the genes would be passed on. It went on to say that the ancestral man would see infidelity in an angry way not because the woman had been with another man but because it made him question the paternity of the child. He would have therefore been using his resources on a child that may not have been his when he could have been using them on a child he knew to be his thus ensuring that he passed on his genes. A woman however sees infidelity as an emotional betrayal. The man has been sharing his resources with someone other than her when he could have making her pregnant. She is jealous of the other woman rather than the actual act of the man.
This pretty much sums up how I feel about that kind of thing. Darwinism actually speaks a lot of sense, I had never really understood very much about it before and now I wish I had started to look into it earlier.

Summer Shudder.

Had my presentation this morning, got 64% for it which is good I guess. I felt like my mouth was moving a lot faster than I intended it too and some of my words were getting confused, plus the lecturer seemed to know a hell of a lot about the book so I got some quite intense questions at the end, but it was all dandy in the end. It is out of the way now at least, a lot of people still have another week to wait.

Spent the weekend at Dans house being rubbish at Mario Kart Wii. I can’t stand it when I am not good at something straight away, haha, it frustrated me so much because there are things constantly flying at you, and coming in last is so disheartening. I think I will be nice and refreshed next time I go back to it though so will hopefully unlock a lot more next time I play. Toad has been letting me down though! He is usually my character of choice however I am finding him really difficult to control with the steering wheel, he may be easier with the classic controller so I may give that a try next time I play.

Still have no idea when we are moving house, though I wish they would let us know soon so I can plan which part of the country I should be in and when. Said goodbye to licky Lucy yesterday, she will be missed as she is quite a hilarious dog but it just isn’t right to keep her couped up in a wee flat all day especially when I am at University and Dan is at work all day next September. To do with the whole moving thing I applied for 4 jobs this afternoon, just office style stuff but that is what I am looking for. Something with 9-5 type hours so I can get there and back more easily. I am really hoping I get the one I applied for in Shifnal just for the convenience, but I will have to wait and see. I shall look again for new positions in a few days time and just keep sending things off, there has to be something.

This weekend I think I may have had a mid-way to mid-life crisis. It is quite difficult to describe. I think that I finally realised that I am not going to be some sort of globe trotting mega diva but am destined to actually just be normal having a regular job in order to pay bills. I shall most probably not have an flat in Paris and an apartment in New York and I most definitely won’t have my own palace in India. This is quite a depressing thought. I like being disillusioned.

Nintendooo.

My dissertation is now complete and now just waiting to be bound, I also wrote my presentation for Monday today so that is another thing out of the way. Just one more 5000 word essay to write, but I know that the final push will be the hardest, I am just so looking forward to the end of term and the end of writing essays, until September at least anyway.

I finally got to play Mario Kart on the wii, it is so exciting! I love that you can play all the old tracks as well as new ones, and there are a lot of new characters you can unlock also. Played a few games on the online mode but everyone is so good, even on 50cc. Starting at 5000 I am rapidly making my way down to 4000, although I did manage to come third at one point this afternoon! I shall just need to keep practising I guess.

We had to cancel our trip to New York. With moving into a new flat, and currently having no summer job prospects there just doesn’t seem to be a way that we could actually afford it. I think we just thought we had more money than we did at the time. I am disappointed as I wanted to go so much, just to be able to go somewhere exciting with Dan and to completely get away from here. I am going away with Helen for a week (if we actually get it sorted) but it isn’t really the same. I should have known it was too good to be true when we booked it.

The Gold Song.

I seem to be really happy at the moment for no real reason. I guess it is because I know that I am finishing Uni in only a matter of weeks and I have a lot to look forward to after that. I had the best birthday the other day. Went and met Dan in town then went to laser quest with James, Lisa, Vicky, Rich and Chris. It was full of tiny people who manage to get just about everywhere except for the path of your laser, I still managed to come a respectable 10th in one game though. Next we went to Spoons in town which was quite a spur of the moment plan but was really good fun, I have really missed Lisa and Vicky whilst at Uni. Then it was off to Big Wok with Ronny and Janey, mmm, it is becoming quite a birthday tradition to go there now.
Came back to Nottingham yesterday, it was really good to see Helen and other people from my course, I shall miss them next year but have been told there will always be a bed for whenever I want to come visit. Also got tickets for Grad Ball in July, meal tickets sold out after half an hour when we were a measly 3 people from the front – I was pretty sure Helen was actually going to cry! but we have evening tickets anyway so we shall still be going, those have sold out too now. It’s crazy, why have a graduation ball for only 2000 out of the 5000 people graduating that summer? surely it would be better to have an arts graduation and a sciences graduation evening? then everyone that wanted to go would be able to.

A Place Called Home.

So my work experience is complete. I was working from about 4 until 10 last night on something for my year 11 class to do on the Mezuzah, I tried a few crosswords but couldn’t get the words to connect so eventually settled on an acrostic puzzle. They barely seemed to notice they were even doing it, I guess I am going to have to get used to things like that. However my year 7 class did remark that the pairs game I did with them was fun, so that made up for it.
I love finding out what all of the teachers talk about behind the students backs, it’s exactly how you think it would be! One of the teachers said to the other “do you teach such and such?” to which they replied “yeah, God what a bitch!”, I love it. Then today I found out that teachers do have secret names for pupils, after ones of the lessons I was told that everyone calls a certain boy “wibbly wobbly man” because of how chubby he is. I guess when you are at school you forget that teachers are actually exactly the same as you, you have names for them and they have names for you, I am quite worried about what mine would have been now!

I have also finished my damn dissertation! well the rough copy any. It is a few hundred words shorter than what I thought it would end up, I just really couldn’t think of things to put in the conclusion, but I am pleased with it. Mostly just pleased that it is done really but I know there will still be much to do on it, checking references and the bibliography etc but the bulk is done. Now I need to get started on Darwinism next, although there are three weeks so I am trying not to worry too much.

Dan was rung today by the council to tell him that there is a flat for him ready for a months time. I am quite excited but quite worried at the same time. I am just hoping it isn’t some sort of crummy dive with mould up the walls with a hip-hop playing druggie living above us. But I am quite excited about having our own place to decorate. I want to have things everywhere! Not like general rubble but little boxes, and candles, and interesting things, just everywhere so it feels all cosy and awesome to look at. We shall have to see what happens.

Sharks and Danger.

I have a new heading at the top of the page. Dan made it for me, he still won’t tell me how he managed to get the colours so exact, I am really pleased with it. I may ask him to sex up my entire blog when I next go to his house, I have no skillz when in comes to things like that.
This week has been my work experience week. It has been so good but so so exausting. I was actually a complete idiot for thinking I could get work done in the evenings this week, every night I have got home I have just collapsed on the sofa for a while. However I know I have to get my dissertation finished before the start of term so I am ploughing on.
I have been teaching small segments of the class for the past few days and these segments I have had to prepare myself. Unfortunately this means I have even more work to do when I get home in the evening but I am not complaining, I think it is a good idea to get some practise in before I start my actual course in September, I will have a better idea of what to expect.
It has been really strange going back to my old secondary school, I managed to get lost on the first day there. The strangest things is definitely realising how young the pupils are. When I was there from year 9 and upwards I think we all felt so grown up, but now I am looking t a year 9 class and realising that they are only 13 years old. The year 11 classes who are 15 going on 16 are exactly the same, it certainly is an eye opener seeing school from an entirely different perspective. I am glad I have done this week, I am really looking forward to starting in September now.

It is also my birthday in two days time, I shall be going to laser quest in the afternoon, this I am very excited about! I haven’t been to Laser quest for years and a few people who are coming haven’t been at all. The last time I went was in Leicester when my friends and I decided it would be an awesome idea to cover our faces in “war paint” ha ha ha.