What a strange turn of events.

It feels like things are actually going right! This time last year if I recall I was feeling like this too. It is like that feeling where just everything seems perfect, everything that you want to happen just happens. Of course things aren’t actually perfect, but things are a lot better than they were say a month ago. I have a lovely lovely boyfriend who I am planning to move in with in may, so that is my living arrangements sorted, I have applied to do my teacher training come September, so if I get in that is the next few years career wise sorted. I just need a job from may to September, but have decided that I won’t start worrying about that just yet. I was thinking about it too much and was really starting to get stressed out about the whole thing, it really was not worth the trauma.
Also my crazy erratic moods seemed to have settled down too, I know longer feel like drop kicking anyone that crosses my path, hurrah!

Now all I need to do is get started on that essay…

time to waste.

I seem to have a very busy schedule recently, the next few days are bursting to the brim. This pleases me. It always seems to be the case that nothing happens for a while and suddenly I have a million things to do. It is good being busy.
This morning I had a job interview with the West Midlands Police to work at their In-house Agency. I don’t really know what the job entails, but I do know that I just need a job come may and this one may introduce me to different careers that I hadn’t heard of or considered before. The interview was quite strange, it said to allow 40 minutes yet I was out in 10. The questions were odd too “describe a time you faced discrimination or conflict, how did you resolve it?”… seriously? I think the guy could tell that the questions were a little bit stupid.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7188387.stm

as awesome as his artwork is, realistically what on earth would you do with a wall? superglue it to your dining room wall maybe?

Notes on pulling the sky down.

I am not sure if it is wrong or not to start talking to people that I haven’t spoken to for a long time. Not morally wrong of course, but whether it would seem a bit weird me suddenly speaking to people. I lost a lot of contact with friends from college just after I left for various reasons. Recently I have been thinking a lot about certain people, I really want to get to know them again but don’t want to look like a crazed person appearing out of the blue. But then again there is no harm in just saying hello to them.
Oh I don’t know.

In other news I really, really want to go to Bangalore.

one day.

Half-empty bottle

I am soon to graduate from my degree and apparently the world should be my oyster, I beg to differ. Looking on recruitment websites and job profiles I feel I have no confidence in what I have achieved at all. I feel that I don’t have any real life experience, and feel guilty for not knowing what I really want to do. The idea of a 9-5 office job bores the hell out of me, but for some reason that seems to be the only type of job out there at the moment. I want to do something that actually means something. That may sound unrealistic and childish but is true; I don’t want to be famous or particularly remembered or anything along that line of thinking, but I want to be able to see that I am actually making a worthwhile difference – and a job sitting around deciding the colour for a food packet doesn’t seem to fit my criteria.

And so to make myself better I am writing down things that I have achieved that I am proud of, even if they seem insignificant to everyone else. They are things that I can look back on at times where I feel I am failing in terms of future planning and family expectations and think “shit yeah I’m good”…

I didn’t buy my way into University :]
I endured the relationship from hell and survived :]
I can make trifle :]
I saved someone from drowning :]
I travelled to Brazil on my own :]
I taught a dozen small children to play games in Portuguese :]
I have lived on my own without burning the place down :]
I have my own trampoline :]
I can do the splits :]
I know how to change a light-bulb :]
I have dived off a boat into the sea :]
I got a tattoo :]
I painted my bedroom :]
I learned biblical Greek :]
I can read sheet music :]
I have written and performed my own plays :]
I have made some awesome awesome friends :]
I have sung out-loud on a train full of silent people :]
I have an amazing boyfriend :]
I know how to apply eyeliner correctly :]

I am currently listening to Bob Dylan. I don’t think I could actually be in a better mood right now.

mindless self indulgence.

It was around this time last year that I finally deleted the livejournal that I had been (infrequently) keeping since the age of about fifteen or  sixteen. I had deleted the contents on more than one occasion and felt that it had run its course. However quite recently I have been itching to write a few things down, for myself to read and reflect on rather than anybody else, however creating a user-name for that site is easier said than done and so I have arrived here

I currently feel stuck in a very peculiar place. I am content, or as content as I ever feel, and yet I still feel very restless. I quite desperately want something to happen, though what that something is I have no idea; plus I just want that something to fall into my lap as it were, and that seems unlikely to happen. I am hoping that this feeling will diminish as I make up my mind what to do in May, but it is presently rather agitating.